Zach Galifianakis Interview

Brian M. Palmer: That must have been tough.

Zach Galifianakis: No, I didn't work very long, maybe just a couple weeks. And then I cleaned houses, I was a nanny, a private investigator, and then a bus boy. They were all pretty bad. But if I had a comfortable job I don't know if I would have turned to something like stand-up. I started doing stand-up because I don't have any skills; I don't know what else to do. They were all bad. I was a waiter at a drag queen restaurant in New York that was owned by Kurdish rebels. I remember that — his name was Talib — and he tried to get me to dress as a woman. He'd call me on the phone and he'd be like, “Ok Zach, this is Talib, your schedule is you work Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and don't forget to dress as woman.” And I'm like, “Talib, I'm not going to dress as a woman. That's not my thing.” And he'd say, “You'd make more money.” And I was like, “Why is there a guy from small town North Carolina talking to a Kurdish rebel about dressing like a woman?” It was so bizarre, but that was the state of my work experience. I would work there from 7 at night ‘til 7 in the morning. And then at 8 in the morning I would go baby-sit and just fall asleep. I would just fall asleep and hope that the kid wouldn't escape his duct tape handcuffs.

BMP: I read that one of the kids said that if you didn't let him watch TV he would say that you touched him.

ZG: Oh yeah, one of the kids that I was a nanny for said, “If you don't do what I say, I'm going to tell my mom that you're touching my penis.”

BMP: And did you just let him do what he wanted to?

ZG: No, I touched his penis, right after that. I was like, “Well, if you're going to run your mouth about it, here comes my mouth.” No, what happened is I freaked out about it and called all my friends and I was like, “What should I do?” and they were like, “You've gotta tell his mom.” Years later — last summer actually I was back in New York — I called them and I went over to dinner and all this stuff. I told the mother and she laughed — she thought it was so funny — and said, “That sounds just like my son.” I told him and he didn't remember. But yeah, he said it. He stood up right in front of his TV, “Beavis and Butthead” was blaring and he pointed right at me, and said it.

Zach Galifianakis Interview / by Brian M. Palmer / 2004